I've been creating these stars as I manifest prayers and blessings for a very dear friend of mine who went into the hospital over the holidays. So I apologize for not having new content to kick off 2017...
It was a rough weekend. Emotions ran high; it was stressful. It's almost like I could have written the following blog today, but this a throwback to 2012. My daughter is grown up now, my mom older, I'm older... but the same self-talk rears its ugly head from time to time. Funny how we continue to have the same struggles pop up over the years. I hope this will encourage you to unlock and burst through moments like these.
"Today, I finished this art journal page, which is very inspired by the amazing e-class I am taking, Bloom True. It says, "I will unlock, burst through or shatter the containers I have made with my mind." I don't know if it's a little depression from closing the lake house or the transition into the school year and all the "to dos" that are cropping up, but I have had a very negative soundtrack running in my head. It goes something like this:
- I'm a bad mother - I am often irritable and critical of Samy (my 11 year old). I don't bake, do crafts with her, and so much of the time I just "vant to be alone," to quote Greta Garbo. Is it horrible that what I really want to do is spend time alone painting?
- I'm a bad daughter - I am so often short-tempered with my mom. I don't cut her any slack at all. I feel bad about that, because really -- we're so much alike (which is probably why...)
- I'm a bad friend - I forget birthdays. I don't stay in touch or reach out enough. Is it horrible that what I really want to do is spend time alone painting?
- I'm not a "real" artist. So much of my work is commercial - I don't trust my process, my intuition, my materials. I'm not original...
Two good quotes for today:
"Life does not accommodate you. It shatters you. It is meant to, and it couldn't do it better. Every seed destroys its container or else there would be no fruition." (from ThinkExist.com -- no attribution)
"When we long for life without difficulties, remind us that oaks grow strong in contrary winds and diamonds are made under pressure." Peter Marshall
Question: Do you have a negative soundtrack? How do you turn it off once it starts playing?
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Thank You!
I love this post. I often feel this way and do the whole beat myself up routine. When I realize it I try to reflect on what and why.dont always find an answer but seems to help me get out of that mood. Of course I don't live as busy as you. Also your work is so inspirational. I look forward to every post, picture, etc. hugs
ReplyDeleteBeautiful artwork and so very expressive. It's a new year my friend no ore negative self talk so funny that I am reading this tonight after my art therapy group and it's the topic I choose for them this evening. It's always easy to fall into not feeling like we are enough but the truth is you are just like a beautiful snowflake and there is no one quite like you , you are amazing and beautiful just the way you are!! Hugs and love 😘❤❤❤
ReplyDeleteoh Jessica, you're being way too hard on yourself! Reading your posts on Facebook these last months made me wonder where you find the energy to keep going after what you know is right, and how you're always there to defend a good cause and help other people. I admire you a lot for it. I think a lot of artists have this need for alone-time to paint. In this busy world it's hard to find that time without feeling guilty, especially when you have a family and friends depending on you. I wish you a year without ugly self-talk. And just so you know: you are a real artist, and you inspire a lot of people. Hugs xxx
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