Warning - this post is a little "woo-woo" (emotional/out there)... So if you hate that kind of thing, read no further...
Before leaving for our most recent service trip to Guatemala, I had an art party in my home studio with a bunch of great women, including fiber artist Sandra Koterba, doll artist Heather Brauner, and some friends from my town. We had a great time making journals out of papers we created using Stencil Girl stencils, gelli plates, and other mark making techniques.
As we went along, I mopped up extra paint in my art journal, ending up with this lovely spread of greens, yellows and blues that made beautiful music together.
It sat this way until, on a walk with my dog, I had an epiphany and a vision. I quickly came home and sketched in my journal. It gave a face and figure to a part of me that feels like a very little girl longing for love, acceptance and approval. She shares space with a part of me that is super critical and tells me that I'm not good enough, thin enough, nice enough, generous enough, talented, original and so on.
I have been wondering why a part of me would be so mean and say such cruel things. But I realized that the critical voice is so worried about the little girl experiencing rejection, that she pushes love away so there's no chance of hurt or disappointment.
Sound crazy? It made perfect sense to me! Don't a lot of us live this way? Afraid of opening our hearts and being vulnerable because of old wounds that keep us timid and scared?
I re-sketched and painted the girls on top of that colorful spread in my journal, and it looked like this.
I made the dress for the girl on the right using deli paper that I brayered with blue and pink paint, and added pattern from my Scales Stencil from Stencil Girl.
I knew this wasn't done yet, but it had to sit a while. And then yesterday, a great quote from a set of Donna Downey stamps, and the right paper remnants on my work table, called to me to finish this page.
As I worked on it, I was able to look at these parts and feel compassion and understanding for them. I was able to tell that little girl that it's ok. That I am grown up and strong and loved and there's no need to grasp so hard at approval and acceptance. I was also able to tell that critical voice that she can take some time off - there's no need for her well-intentioned but hurtful protection.
Fighting depression and internal demons takes a lot of strength - but it's the only choice we have in order to live fully in the world. And that's how I want to live.
So the emotional woo-woo part is over! Now for a celebration - I will giveaway one of the Scales Stencils to someone who comments! You have until Sunday night, 3/16, at 8PM EST. I will post the winner right here so check back.
And the winner is bncpools! Send your snail mail address to me at jessicabethsporn (at) gmail (dot) com and I will get it out to you!
Saturday, make sure you come back here because there will be another post, a video tutorial, and another giveaway - because One Little Word is coming back!
Your comments make me so happy and let me know you were here. I read and treasure every comment and will happily answer any questions as soon as I can. Thanks for stopping by!